We’ve had beards back in fashion for some time now and I must say that on some men the hirsute look absolutely rocks! Once upon a time the goatee was the choice of facial sculpting and still is in some parts. Every time I see one the historian in me comes to the surface cos they were TOTALLY IN during the Elizabethan times. Goatees along with white ruffled lace collars (the bigger yours was the higher up you were in society), hosiery, pantaloons and codpieces were the fashion of the era. Quite masculine in its own sweet way since the size of the codpiece represented how highly one thought of oneself (well that’s what this woman is gonna believe he he).
What I would like to see come back in fashion is the aforementioned codpiece. Heck, we women have suffered enough with low cut bras, pointy ones, squish-em-together-so-you-have-a-front-bottom-on-ur-chest bras and don’t get me started on shoes lol.
How great would it be girls, to instantly assess the attributes of the candidate by the size and decoration of his codpiece. I mean, men never lie about “what lies beneath” and so we would gain a better idea of what we would be taking home to meet mum and dad. Here’s the great thing guys; you wouldn’t have to utter a word. All you would have to do is stand proud and loud with your masculinity on show for the world.
I really think this codpiece caper could really take off. There would be specialty shops in Chadstone and Knifepoint where you could be custom fitted or purchase off the rack estimations. There’d be the show-off glittery ones for the guy “who has it all” and wants more. There would also be the practical ones with room for small change, a condom, and the car keys. Apple could make the i-codpiece and suddenly men could be talking to their groins to answer phone calls and it would make receiving and sending of a text message an absolute delight. Heck, maybe we women would have to stand in line and wait for the i-codpiece battery to run out before we get a look in.
With a codpiece phone you would be able to highlight your best feature by talking to it and having it answer you back. It also gives you a valid excuse for touching yourself in the groin when you hang up or call. Ringtones for your codpiece could be “the bad touch” when you’re available for women, “asshole” when u want a night with the boys, and your footy club theme song during a game.
A word of warning girls, if the guy you meet has the Angels “am I ever gonna see your face again?” run! Don’t look back!